Flatulent Cheeseheads, a Lobster Arcade Game and a Bottomless Crock of Cheddar

Though I’m not from Wisconsin, I have some characteristics similar to indigenous Wisconsinites.  I grew up a Green Bay Packers fan for one thing and have always loved beer and cheese for another. 

The love of beer started when I turned 18 and it became legal for me to drink it in Wisconsin – or maybe a year or two before. The government has since decided that 18- through 20-year-olds are mature enough to die for our country and elect our leaders but not old enough to swig a Schlitz or a Schlabst. Rather than go down that rabbit hole this week, I’ll focus on the less controversial list of my five – no make it six – favorite cheese shops in southeastern Wisconsin. 

The Wisconsin Cheese Map (who knew there was such a thing) lists nearly 50 cheese shops, and all are superior to Henry Wensleydale’s infamous Ye Olde Cheese Emporium!  Below are my six favorite – listed in chronological order of opening in order to further avoid controversy!

1)      WISCONSIN CHEESE MART 1938:  The oldest on my list is also the only one in the metro Milwaukee area. The Wisconsin Cheese Mart has been at its same Old World Third Street location on the same block as Milwaukee heritage businesses Usinger’s Sausages and Mader’s Restaurant since 1938. It is located in the Steinmeyer Grocery building, which dates to 1895.

Several years ago, the cheese mart expanded into the neighboring space by knocking through the wall to the south (and signing a lease first I imagine). In the additional space they added “The Cheese Bar”.  This is a wonderful space perfect for private parties, light lunches, or tasting events pairing cheese with beer or wine. The bar itself as well as the tables in the cheese bar are repurposed bowling lanes!

The menu is limited, but the options are tasty. Wisconsin Cheese Mart provided the final grilled cheese in my grilled cheese month (April, 2010) tour of one grilled cheese a day in different locations over 30 days. They offer classic and gourmet options. As a side note, the gourmet grilled cheese at Wisconsin Cheese Mart is my favorite grilled cheese in the exotic category and Kopp's has my favorite in the classic category.

With more than 200 Wisconsin cheeses including Limburger, chocolate walnut fudge  and beer cheddar, they do a brisk online business.  They also offer summer sausage in casing shaped like a beer bottle with Pabst Blue Ribbon labels!

2)      MARS CHEESE CASTLE 1947: The day after Thanksgiving, while driving my mother back to her home in Illinois, we made a stop at the king of cheese shops - Mars Cheese Castle!

Mars is more than a cheese shop.  It is CheeseLand, CheeseWorld and Cheese-O-Rama all in one. In addition to selling cheese, Mars has a full service bar, food counter, cheese sampling stations, three areas for gifts and souvenirs, bakery, Wisconsin art, small groceries, a beer cave, a cheese cave, multiple cow and mouse statues, an antique cheese slicer and a knight in shining armor. The bar has a giant bottomless crock of spreadable cheddar that is passed around with Ritz crackers.  The food counter includes an autographed photo of Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi. The souvenir selection includes pet rat gummi candy and “Cut the Cheese” cheese heads with appropriate sound!

The current Castle opened March 4, 2011 as a replacement to the longstanding building just east of its location on the southwest corner of the Highway 142 exit off of Interstate 94 in Kenosha. The new castle has an iconic turret that features a grandiose chandelier hanging from its peak.  The original Mars, built in 1947, burned down and was quickly replaced in 1957. The second castle stood for more than half a century until the recent interstate construction forced its closure. Co-owner Mario Ventura, Jr. made the best of the forced closure and relocated a couple hundred yards to the west and expanded the castle into a 25,000 square foot showcase.

3)      BOBBY NELSON’S CHEESE SHOP 1949:  Bobby Nelson’s is in Mars Cheese Castle’s shadow, literally and figuratively. Located just south of the original Mars Cheese Castle, Bobby Nelson’s is to Mars Cheese Castle as Ned Ludd is to Steve Jobs. Bobby Nelson’s remains true to its old school cheese and sausage roots. It’s more of an old-time butcher shop than a touristy cheese shop. Bring cash, because they don’t accept credit cards.

They don’t have their own website either, but Yelp loves this place. My favorites here are the landjaeger, bacon, pickled eggs and pro wrestling photos of Bobby Nelson and his mid-20th century contemporaries. Bobby, shown here with legendary Verne Gagne, is credited with popularizing, if not creating, the half-nelson and full-nelson wrestling holds.

Bobby’s daughter Phyllis Giovanelli now runs this quaint shop where you can get your sausage Mitt or Mittout (with or without garlic).

 4)      THE BRAT STOP 1961:  This is a sprawling interconnected series of buildings that caters to various audiences, including Illinois tourists looking for a quick cheese grab. The cheese shop is good-sized, with an excellent variety of cheeses including “specialty shaped cheeses.” The Brat Stop also offers an interesting collection of gifts, including discounts on sports memorabilia such as Brett Favre record plaques, Chicago Bears shot glasses and 2004 Chicago Cubs photo plaques. Several years ago I even picked up a set of Star Trek action figures for a friend’s Christmas gift.

The rest of the Brat Stop is a labyrinth of entertainment facilities including a huge bar, restaurant, concert venue and Parkway Chateau banquet hall and outdoor beer garden with volleyball courts.

My favorites here include the restaurant menus shaped like beer mugs and the Lobster Zone Machine, an arcade game that tests your skills to catch your lobster dinner by using a mechanical claw to grab a clawed crustacean. At $2 per try, this is a great deal if you’re successful on your first try. Or even your fifth try. 

5)      TIM & TOM’S CHEESE SHOP & MORE 1997:  While Mars Cheese Castle was able to relocate to an adjacent site when the highway wrecking crew came in, Tim and Tom’s was not so fortunate. Tim and Tom’s, owned by the Merkt cheese spread family, had been located across Highway 142 to the north of Mars next to the wonderful Star Bar. Both fell victim to the wrecking ball. 

The Star died, but Tim & Tom’s emerged from the dust 1 ½ miles south and just north of the Illinois border at the Hwy 158 exit in the Rustic Dairyland Antiques building. While Tim & Tom’s space is tight relative to its more glamorous royal rival to the north, it offers 500+ Wisconsin cheeses and easy access to the most eclectic selection of antiques along the I-94 corridor. Like me, Yelp loves this antique mall/cheese shop combo immensely.  I highly recommend a stop here, but if you're into nostalgia, be prepared to spend at least an hour browsing the two floors of antique dealer stalls jam packed with great items.   

6)      CEDAR VALLEY CHEESE STORE 2006: Cedar Valley is actually a retail outlet for the attached milk processing plant. It is on Highway 57 in the Town of Fredonia and has the best contact information of all cheese stores: 1-877-I-8-CURDS and I8curds@cedarvalleycheesestore.com. Cedar Valley has 300+ cheeses from its own dairy and surrounding dairies. The factory store also offers a food counter with a good selection of sandwiches and Cedar Crest ice cream. But the best part is the assurance that the provolone, mozzarella and string cheese is fresh as the cheese that comes directly from the family-run cheese factory next door!

The fresh string cheese is the highlight here.  Helpful hint: Fridays are billed as fresh Fridays and starting at 11 am, they offer fresh-from-the-vat cheddar cheese curds and string cheese.

Cedar Valley also offers a fine variety of Wisconsin wines.  All the stores on this list offers gift boxes, but only Cedar Valley has “The Big Cheese” available by calling 1-877-I-8-CURDS (1-877-482-8737).